Logical Excuse

This is the story of a beefy young wrestler who lived in a little village.  His country went into a war with its neighbour. 
The fellow villagers who knew his faintheartedness, jested and repeatedly coaxed him to join the army and help their country.

One day, when all the villagers had surrounded him, he put forth his best defense.

“….if I go and fight the enemy, two things can happen….”
“What are they… ”, everybody asked.
 
“Either they will kill me or I may stay alive.”
“If I come back alive, there is no problem, but if I die… two things could happen…”
“And what are those… ” everybody asked.
 
“Either they will bury me or they will cremate me.”
“If they bury me then it is no problem, but if they cremate me… two things could happen…”
“And what are they… ” everybody asked.
 
“Either my ashes will be immersed down with the river to the sea or it will strewn in the farm fields”
“If it merges with the sea, then it is not a problem, but if it reaches the fields… two things could happen…”
“Again two things…!!! ” everybody said wearily.
 
“Either they will grow cauliflowers in those fields or they could grow mustard”
“If they grow cauliflowers, then it is not a problem, but if they grow mustard… two things could happen..”
“Oh lord…” everybody sighed.
 
“Either they will cook vegetables from the mustard leaves or extract oil from its seeds”
“If they eat the vegetables, then there is no problem, but if they make the oil… again two things could happen…”
“Phew… ”
 
“Either they will use it as a cooking oil or they will use it to make soap.”
“If they eat the oil then there is no problem, but they make a soap out of it… two things can happen…”
Silence all around.
 
“Either a man will take a bath with the soap or it could be a lady”
“If it is a man then there is no problem, but if it is lady…....... Can you imagine how embarrassed I will be!!
 “Ahem……”