-- If you think this hurts, I should tell you about the time I twisted my ankle playing basketball.

--- That was the kids on the phone. Did you have anything planned for dinner?

-- Gosh, you're lucky. I sure wish men could experience the miracle of childbirth.

-- When you lay on your back, you look like a python that swallowed a wild boar.

-- Do you think the baby will come before Monday Night Football starts?

-- You don't need an epidural. Just relax and enjoy the moment.

-- This whole experience kind of reminds me of an episode from I Love Lucy.

-- Stop your swearing and just breathe.

-- Remember what we learned in Lamaze class! HEE HEE HOO HOO. You're not using the right words.