New Year Resolutions

Resolution #1

1998: I will try to be a better husband to Marge.

1999: I will not leave Marge.

2000: I will try for a reconciliation with Marge.

2001: I will try to be a better husband to Wanda.


Resolution #2

1998: I will stop looking at other women.

1999: I will not get involved with Wanda.

2000: I will not let Wanda pressure me into another marriage.

2001: I will stop looking at other women.


Resolution #3

1998: I will not let my boss push me around.

1999: I will not let my sadistic boss drive me to the point of suicide.

2000: I will stick up for my rights when my boss bullies me.

2001: I will tell Dr. Hodger and the group about my boss.


Resolution #4

1998: I will read at least 20 good books a year.

1999: I will read at least 10 books a year.

2000: I will read 5 books a year.

2001: I will finish Space.


Resolution #5

1998: I will not get upset when Charlie and Sam make jokes about my baldness.

1999: I will not get annoyed when Charlie and Sam kid me about my toupee.

2000: I will not lose my temper when they tell the guys I wear a girdle.

2001: I will not speak to Charlie and Sam.


Resolution #6

1998: I will get my weight down below 180.

1999: I will watch my calories until I get below 190.

2000: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200.

2001: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight.


Resolution #7

1998: I will not take a drink before 5:00 p.m.

1999: I will not touch the bottle before noon.

2000: I will not become a "problem drinker".

2001: I will not miss any AA meetings.


Resolution #8

1998: I will not spend my money frivolously.

1999: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.

2000: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.

2001: I will begin making a strong effort to be out of debt by 2002.


Resolution #9

1998: I will see my dentist this year.

1999: I will have my cavities filled this year.

2000: I will have my root canal work done this year.

2001: I will get rid of my denture breath this year.


Resolution #10

1998: I will go to church every Sunday.

1999: I will go to church as often as possible.

2000: I will set aside time each day for prayer and meditation.

2001: I will try to catch the late night sermonette on TV.